i don't know where I am in life right now. God has plans for me and my life but...what are they? I kinda just go through the motions, ya know? I do have to say that God has blessed me with some wonderful friends on my hall, who, just so happen to be my only readership. Thank you Sabrina and Sara!

oh, and i just figured out that no one reads this...thanks guys.

sarah mclachlan and celine dion sound nothing alike!

im pretty laid back when it comes to teasing. i can handle it, but when it gets to a certain point, you need to back off. case in point...tonight at work, Mo and Bekea were teasing me, and it was all good natured, then Mo crossed the line, I asked him to stop, and he just kept right on going. it got to the point were i got so upset that i had to walk out so that i didnt cuss him out or something. he apologized but it still hurt. see, what many people don't know about me is that I am actually really sensitive. i just built up this wall that keeps me from getting hurt and every once in awhile someone says something that i haven't heard before or sometimes things that i think aboput myself. and if thats the case, then it tells my subconscience that i was write in thinking a certain thing about myself because, obviously, this person thinks that to. whatever, its dumb, im tired and delirious, i need sleep.

i hate how every semester, i can't register for classes on time because i don't get enough money from the school and my parents have $0 to give and i can only give $100 every 2 weeks! it's so frustrating, i would love it if i got more from the school or if my parents didn't have the financial problems they do, and if i didn't have the ones that i did. 22 is way to young to be in debt. i wonder at what age you can technically file for banruptcy...not that i would want to do that, but it may be my only viable option. this is why i think that living at home and commuting would be my best bet. i could save money by living there and have a job where i make more money and then i can pay for college, not worry about the astronomical cost of living in a dorm, buy a car, and still have money to pay off my bills. that would be nice. although i really would miss living on campus, that's my favorite part of college. oh well, we shall see.


COUNTRY MUSIC ROCKS MY WORLD!!!!

i have to work at the coffee shop very soon so i'll make it quick. i love getting to know people better. i think that is one of my favorite things in the world. getting to know people helps you to get to know yourself. but anyway...i am so tired all the time, i got so run down last week, being little miss work-a-holic, that even though i am exhausted, by the end of the day when i want to go to bed, i can't. my body doesnt want to.i know a few people who have mono and it scares me that i am going to be next. i can't afford to take that kind of time off.
something that makes me happy
when the boy you like says hi to someone without a smile, then sees you and says hi to you with a smile. okay,so, i know that i don't come off as a girlie-girl, which im not, but sometimes and in cases where it has to do with the BOY, it's kinda hard not to be one.
okay, those of you who know me, know who i am referring to and if you know the whole story, then yes, i still am attracted to him.

end of story!

you know, college would be so much easier if i didnt have to do work outside of homework and i didnt have to worry about paying for it.

anyway, enough of the woeful tales of susie...
i miss having time to hang out with my friends. i feel like all i ever do is work, sleep, and homework. i want some time off, where i dont have to do anything and i can just chill with the people that i love, and see the people that i miss...
okay, maybe i wasn't done with the woeful...

boys are no good. girls are stupid. now with that said...here's a little story for you. girl sees boy. boy is nice to girl. girl starts to like boy. boy acts somewhat interested. girls interest in said boy increases. boy starts to pull back, a lot. girl gets offended and thinks boy is a jerk. girl stops talking to boy. and then you start the cycle all over again, for months of entertainment. basically, girls read way to much into any given situation when there is a boy invovled. grrrr...that makes me mad.
i sometimes wonder if life would be much easier if there were arranged marriages...
NAH...that takes all the fun out of it!



baby update
name: Jenna Grace

my motto on life...boys are icky, throw rocks at them!

wow! it's so wierd to have your two best do-anything-for-friends from childhood to be mommies. leeann had her baby this morning at around 6 am and now she is a very happy, but very single, mommy. i tried to write a letter to her the other day, but i couldn't even figure out where to start. its been so long since ive talked to her that its like i dont know her anymore...which is true. its not like i could just start off with "hey!! how are you?!" and go into 20 questions and then just tell her about my life. its just not fair...why do people have to drift apart? why can't stay in touch with those who mean so much to us? why does it have to take someone having a baby and being "alone" have to be what kinda pulls us back to wanting to be back in touch with the person? why can't life be like the second grade when you knew who your friends where and no one was having babies, and all it took was a letter or phone call to make you friends again?

wonderful friends, wonderful family, life is good.

so, i had a pretty good weekend. did absolutely nothing on saturday and then yesterday, i spent the entire day, making my notebook a collage...i have to admit it looks pretty cool. last night, however, i had forgotten completely about the lit. test that i had today! so, at midnight, renee and i started studying for the test and did so until about 2:15 when our brains would no longer gave a damn whether or not cotton mather even lived. we just didnt care, so, roommate studying time turned into roommate bedtime. it was quite nice actually. today, i got to talk to jessie, who's in italy right now! i was so excited, i miss her, but she's having a good time, so thats cool, but i expect her to smuggle some stereotypical, hot italian man for me. i know, keep dreaming, and i will, every night...
we moved our room around AGAIN! that makes three times so far and we have only been here for 5 weeks or so. and what a change ive made since the beginning of the semester. i have alot of trouble adjusting to new things, so even though i had been here all summer, i had to adjust to all the new people, a new roommate(who is wonderful ;), by the way), and a whole bunch of adjustments. but finally, a month later, i am adjusted.
im very tired now, with staying up to study last night, so it is off to bed...goodnight!

so, i realized that more often than i do, i need to remember that i have great friends who love me, a family who loves me dearly, and a God who loves me so much that he sent his SON to die for me...that's a very humbling thought. i had a mostly wonderful day so far. i say mostly cause i felt sick after lunch but anyway, i digress. i double booked myself for lunch today, which some people might think is bad, but to me, that just means that two people want to to see me bad enough to schedule a time to get together. it was an amazing feeling. my one big issue of the day(afternoon?) is that there is this girl that ive known since i transferred here and the more i get to know her, the less i seem to believe that she is an honest person. in that, i dont mean she is a horrible person, i just think that she makes up stories or embellishes truths to make herself sound better and more appealling to those around her. just now, that gets me to thinking...i wonder how much we all do that. i mean, how 100% completely honest are we all the time, or any of the time. its in those rare moments and friendships that we really are ourselves. but this girl, the way she is, makes me question why? why does she act this way, why do any of us pretend to be something we're not? oh well, perhaps that is something to figure out throughout my life...maybe one day. okay, enough of the tirade. i still have an hour left before i have to go to my internship, so i am going to go be productive and read for class or something.

i realize that from some peoples reactions to my ponderings, i should put this little disclaimer in it... i am fine, its just that the only time i feel the need to write is when someone has pissed me off or im just having a bad day, or just a bad afternoon. so, really, i am not mentally distressed or anything, i just havent figured out how to not be so emotional.

you know, i really hate when you like a person and you like this person for a long time and you think that this person likes you back and then they end up hurting you simply because they really dont like you back. i really hate that. i also hate when your friends are all freinds with this person and they think that hes great and talk about him around you all the time and all you want to do is make them shut up. dont they realize that it still hurts to hear about him even though you want nothing to do with him anymore. geez, why do i feel like im back in jr. high?

AARRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant even put into words how i feel right now. its a combination of lack of sleep and moodiness. lack of sleep caused by huge amounts of financial debt...moodiness brought on by lack of sleep. its all an ugly circle that is bound to repeat itself over and over again. i hate this, sometimes it makes me wonder where God is in all of this.

by the way, i dont know if i said this but i am totaly happy for kara and jesse!!!

kara got engaged today, well, last night around midnight to be more exact. it's kinda weird when one of your good friends gets engaged. you get this kind of bittersweet feeling about it. on the one hand, i am so completely happy for her and jesse but at the same time, i'm kinda sad too. i dont know if its because she's getting married and moving on into the "adult world" and leaving me behind or if everyone gets this feeling when something like this happens. i can tell you that i am not jealous in the least, but there is something there, that bittersweet thing, that i just can't describe.

you know, there really is something to be said about random, off the wall, mood swings. i don't know what it is, maybe its pms, maybe its the fact that i have tons of emotions running, for the most part, unchecked throughout me and they change at a moments notice. sometimes i dont know if i control my emotions or if they control me. i am just not sure.

I was reading a friends journal and had an interesting thought. in it he was talking about how much silence we waste by spouting trivial, non-sensical ideas, competing with others to make ourselves heard. but really, how much of what is said is actually important? i realized that i myself talk with no purpose and miss out on the blessed experience that is sitting in silence with a friend. many people are uncomfortable by the mere idea of silence, therefore, they fill their space with chatter. how many people can you actually feel completely at peace with in silence without feeling the need to fill the space with words that don't need to be spoken? i am trying something out right now, speaking as little as possible, and speaking only when there is an absolute need to. i'll let you know how it turns out.