OH MY GOODNESS!! I am actually now a size 12!!! I haven't been a 12 since I was 12! And I am now officially lighter than I was in high school, at 158!! Holy moly, I am the incredible shrinking woman!!!! This whole eating right thing has become so ingrained in my everyday, that even when I slack off on exercise, I still lose! I just need to exercise more for fitness and to tone up!

This is my "oh-la-la" dress. Can you believe that I only spent 17 dollars on this?

Even though I have lost 40 pounds, that's right... 40, I still see myself as fat. I buy the skinnier clothes, but I just can't seem to see it in myself. The only time I do is when I look at pictures between then and now. I have to put a pic in my wallet to keep reminding myself. Right now, I am 162 and at a little plateau. This is where I have to either kick it up like crazy or stay comfy. My goal seems so close, but so far away...

I LOST 4 MORE POUNDS!!!!! I'm down to in between a 14 and a 16, mostly 14. And my hope is that the 14 will be too big!

I've decided to blog about my exercise and weight loss on here even though no one reads it. It just feels good to post it somewhere and my family is sick of hearing about it. So I don't really know what triggered it but all of a sudden I looked at myself and thought, "Oh my God, I am huge" which is really not a fun thought to have. I had kind of been losing a little bit of weight for a while, a little here and a little there but nothing big. Then I got sick about two months ago and couldn't eat normally for almost two weeks. Ever since then, my appetite has changed and I have become more concerned about what I eat. So I ended up losing about 15-20 pounds theough that whole time (the illness and the month that followed) and somebody at work had started walking and losing weight, so I decided to give it a try. So, I started walking on my lunch break, which progressed to me walking at the park almost every night after work. So far I've lost almost 30 pounds (28 to be exact, but who's counting ;)! ) and I am determined to keep going and do this diet and exercise as a whole lifestyle change. Right now my weight ahs gone from 203 to 175 and my goal is to get down to 150 and possibly even 145 (which would be 15 pounds lighter than I was in high school) by the new year. It has taken me a little less than 6 months to lose 28 and I'm thinking that it should take about another 5-6 for the next 25. Wish me luck!

So, to update again...I hate my job. There has to more to life than this. Where am I supposed to go from here and will I ever find a career that is satisfying?

I am officially updating my blog. I'm not quite sure who still reads this but I'll just give it a shot in the dark. I have job(Hallelujah!) as a preschool teacher at the Goddard School. So far, it's been 6 weeks and so far I still like it.
I also joined (drum roll, please) eHarmony! I thought that it would be like admitting defeat or something stupid like that but so far so good. I have 13 matches from all over the country and I just joined on Tuesday(5 days ago) Not bad, but we'll see if anything comes of it.

Searching for a job is like "searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie." Sorry, I just had to a little quote from Clueless. Anyway, it's not that bad but it is frustrating. I am learning a very important lesson, however. I am learning to wait on God and that things happen in my timing and not when I want it to happen. That happens when you tell God that you are ready for what He has for you. He really wants to make sure that you are ready. I just wish it would happen a little faster, but again, I must wait on His timing.

Today, I am pretty down in the doldrums. On days like this, I feel like I will never find a job, I will never be able to pay off my school loans, and I will always live at home. There is nothing about today that is different from other days, except for my stinky attitude and bad mood. Hey, I'm trying.

Sure, it's been quite a while since I have written in this thing but that doesn't mean that my life has come to a complete standstill.
Yes, I am still technically unemployed meaning that I do not have full time job that is permanent but I do have a summer job and that should count for something. That means that I do not need to really start to worry about what I will be doing, oh for say, maybe a month until I need to begin the unemployed freekout.
It's hard because I know exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life but that doesn't make finding a job any easier. I guess it's almost bad that I know what I want because then I am going to be that much more picky in finding myself a job. I'm not going to be content settling for anything less than I feel that I am being called to. I feel like God is calling me to full time camp ministry but I haven't yet found my position. That means, however, that I do not want to settle for a day care nor do I want to teach in a Christian school, which my mother thinks that I should do.
Okay, so enough of my "I don't have a job" griping. Let's talk about something else. Like how I think that this boy likes me, which is very flattering but I don't think that he is quite my type. I'm all for nerdy guys but when a guy is way skinnier than me and, well a little bit dorkier and younger (3 years and still in college)I'm apt to say that he isn't quite my type.
Now, everyone is filled in on the exciting goings on of my life. Aren't you glad you just took the extra time to find that out?

We've finally, officially moved, like a month and a half ago. Anyway, still unemployed still looking. blahh blahh blah...i am no longer in the mood to write anymore in this.

Just to let all of you know, I am still unemployed and still looking for a job...not fun. Iwould love to be working at a real job right now, but alas. Oh and for the last 2 weeks, I have been sleeping on the floor, not a couch or with friends, but the floor, but luckily only a few more days until we move into the new house!!!

Merry Christmas those of you who still read this...and Happy New Year!
Good news on the home front...we have a place to move into on the 15th of January. We move out of our house on the 31st, but our realtor offered my parents a two bedroom apartment, rent free for the two weeks between homes! I will probably be staying with friends, since I don't want to sleep on the couch...but we shall see. New address will be forthcoming!

Anguish. That's the only emotion that properly describes how I'm feeling now.
How do things like this happen? My best friend from like forever, is pregnant again. And spare the sarcasm of "Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other..." because it doesn't apply here. The dad is apparently a jack-ass and the father of her first child. She's pregnant with twins and she's 7 months pregnant, planning to give the babies away, because as a single mother, she just wants the best for her 2 little girls that she loves very much, enough to give them the kind of home that she can't. God, it makes me so angry! Why do these kind of things have to happen. The one silver lining to this stormy cloud is that she will be moving up here, at least until the girls are born, from South Carolina, so it will give us a chance to patch things up. We really haven't seen each other since she moved in 96, and we haven't talked for almost that long. I just hope that when her babies grow up, they will know that their mommy loved them very much.

So, I have unofficially started my job search. We are down to 2 months from today that I graduate and I want to be sure that when I graduate, I have a job to go to. So far, I have found a few camps that do these post college internships where not only do you get a small weekly salary, but they also provide room and board! And since I don't feel that at this point I am qualified enough to just go into a camp administration job, an internship would be perfect because that would be some nice hands on training and plus, I would be guarunteed at least one year in a job. But other than that, Jessie, you are right, job hunting does suck.

Sabrina, I know that you are virtually the only reading this, so then I guess this one is for you. Actually, it is for you because it's just telling you that I miss seeing you around and that we need to get together soon! Seriously!

Sabrina, here you go, I am updating my blog...not only am I updating it, I went back and found my list and reposted it...all for you!

Okay, right now, I have a very strong dislike for my mother. A very, VERY strong one. She asked me to tell her why I was acting a certain way about getting a new car, so dummy me, I told her. So, i was sitting at the kitchen table, pouring my heart out and crying about my troubles and she had the nerve to get mad at me. I don't get it, "here let me ask you...share your feelings with me, oh but don't share anything that would upset me or make me mad. Those you can keep to yourself, buried inside, so that they fester and eat away at your insides until one day, when you're 35, you stop talking to me altogether and we don't speak until I am dying." Okay, so she didn't say that to me, but essentially that is what it boiled down to.

Sorry, let me make this a little more happy now...classes start in like 4 days and I get to see everyone that I have been missing terribly for the last 4 months.

Graduation in (hopefully) like 75 days or something like that. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

okay, i'm registered, classes start tomorrow, and i am quietly missing the excitement and familiarity of being back on campus. but, this commuting is starting a whole new chapter in my life and i am ecited about what opportunities will come about.

Okay, so I know it's been a little while since I've updated this, but come on, christmas brwak is a little rushed. Oh and there really hasn't been anything to talk about...I got a job at Ruby Tuesday's, i got a new cell phone, i still don't know if I will have the money to even take classes at school...hoping and praying that that comes through. anywaym that's about it.

settling in for my last night in Eastern University sanctioned housing. it's kinda sad, but sadder still was my last night at Manoa, which was last night. I didn't want to have to tell them I was leaving because I knew that I would cry, but we had to let them know, and yes, I cried. Today I got an email from one of my girls who told me how much she is going to miss me and that she would pray for me, that part makes me wanna cry just thinking about it. I'm relieved that I won't have to stress about how to pay for next semester but at the same time, I know that I will feel like I'm missing out by not living on campus.