Thursday, March 11, 2010


i've been having a tough time lately. i've been sullen and mopey. i have not been fun to be around (at least in my own company...) let's chalk some of that up to the gray, depressing days of winter. yeah, that sounds good. but i know that i can't blame it all on the weather. i could say that it's because i'm turning 29 again 30 and i'm a little, ok a lot freaked out about it. turning 30 has always seemed so far away. something that happens after you get married and start a family. when you have been working at a job you love instead of one that just pays the bills. but here i am, mere months from that elusive number and all i can think about is what i don't have but wish i did.

i want this.

 to experience this.

 to snuggle my own babes
and to whisper prayers over them.

to have someone take my family's portrait
at the beach.

to take my family here.

to get to here.

but for now, i am trying to be content with what i have. an amazing support system of family and of friends who are there for me when i need them. i want to live in the now and experience joy in that living. i don't know what my future holds and that scares me. but i have the hope of tomorrow and of the future.

"may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace
as you trust in him, 
so that you may overflow with hope
by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Romans 15:13


  1. Susie you are awesome. I know we aren't that close, but I feel closer to you after reading this. The future holds amazing things for you, I'm sure of it. It's so hard to be patient but God is good and His timing is perfect. Sending you lots of love and hugs:)

  2. Thanks, Brooke. I get frustrated sometimes when I'm not where I think I'm supposed to be and I rey need to remind myself about God's perfect timing. It doesn't help when everyone I run into asks if I'm dating anyone or if I want to get married... I really appreciate the hugs you sent my way, it means a lot.

  3. First off, I totally get where you're coming from. Sometimes this season of life does suck. A lot. Honestly, when I was there, all of those things people said to me to try to help sounded so trite. So, I'm not goig to say any of those things to you:)

    I will offer one piece of advice/wisdom (since I am almost three whole years older than you!)... there are very few people who have a job that they love. Don't get caught up in "the grass is greener" philosophy with your career. Do what you can to stick it out. It usually looks better to have a long history with one position rather than several short-term positions. BUT, if you are really unhappy, make a change!

    PS - Have you considered eharmony?

  4. just remember that everything has its season and we never get to change or speed up the season we're in. enjoy the season you are in and make the most of it. i was told once to write down everything that I wanted and then read it every night. then make sure you are doing everything you can to make those things possible. good luck and wonderful things will happen for you.

    PS- I too have heard great things about eharmony :)

  5. You don't have to publish this, but blah to the eharmony idea. Unless you know exactly what your looking for, it's next to impossible to narrow down the guys to just a few who might be what you are looking for. From my experience, the results were either to similar to each other that not one stood out, and half of them ended up sounding like me, which is so not what I'm looking for. I do think you deserve all that you hope for, and you've told it in a very beautiful way.

  6. I'll take your pictures when you get there.

    When. Not if.


  7. I tried to leave a comment from my phone, but it wouldn't let me. I'm not really great at encouragement for this, because I've been where you are at, felt what you're feeling and know that no matter what anyone says, it only partially helps. Even if they're all correct. ;)

    So I'm not going to say what you already know (that you're absolutely amazing, that it'll happen at the right time, that once everything falls into place you'll see why it happened this way, that *he* has to be ready too, so you're not just waiting till you're ready...). Ok, maybe I just said it all anyway.

    But I will say that sarcasta has some competition for taking your pics. ;)

    love you dearest. don't lose hope.