more than i could imagine

if fabulous weekends could be scripted, with every player knowing their lines and performing them flawlessly, they wouldn't even come close to how amazingly perfect this past weekend was.
for the last few months, year, YEARS... i had been talking about turning 30. how i wasn't ready for it, how it seemed so scary, how there was still so much in my life that i thought i would have accomplished before IT happened. i gave myself 2 options for bringing in this momentous occasion. option 1~ taking the time off of work, closing the blinds, watching sad movies, and eating my weight in ice cream. (not really the healthiest option) and option 2~ gathering all of my friends and family together and celebrating. i mean, living life to the fullest, partying hard, people will talk about it for weeks kind of celebrating.
and then i got this text from my mom "now that the wedding (she was baking, i was shooting) is over, what do you want to do for your birthday?" my response? "a party." that's all i wanted. to be celebrated. to be loved.
we texted back and forth for a few minutes when she said, "i was thinking of a small, intimate gathering." i didn't respond. i was pouting. but she was just throwing me off. and guess what? it worked!
i got an invitation to a friend's holiday picnic for the 3rd (for which i arrive fashionably late. and by that i mean 45 minutes!)
i pulled up to karen's house, saw all the cars and thought she had an overwhelming response to her first party in her new house. and then i saw the luau sign on the window and thought that it was so fun that instead of a patriotic theme, she went with a luau theme. why would i even suspect a party? my birthday was still a good 12 days away.
and then i walked in the door.

every time i think about when it dawned on me that this was no ordinary holiday picnic; no, this was an EPIC surprise. pulled off by my fabulous mother and my equally fabulous friends, i get chills and i tear up. i have never felt more loved in my entire life.

 (photo courtesy of tanis)

i was handed a tiara right away. i was ushered around to greet close to fifty people. seriously? seriously, this is my life?
i could give you all the play by play (and i will post more pictures as i get them) of the rest of this fabulous day, but instead i will just say "thank you." this party was more than i could imagine. and if i had planned my own party, it would not have come anywhere near the ferocity of this day.

i am loved.

hope.

i've been having a tough time lately. i've been sullen and mopey. i have not been fun to be around (at least in my own company...) let's chalk some of that up to the gray, depressing days of winter. yeah, that sounds good. but i know that i can't blame it all on the weather. i could say that it's because i'm turning 29 again 30 and i'm a little, ok a lot freaked out about it. turning 30 has always seemed so far away. something that happens after you get married and start a family. when you have been working at a job you love instead of one that just pays the bills. but here i am, mere months from that elusive number and all i can think about is what i don't have but wish i did.

i want this.

 to experience this.

 to snuggle my own babes
and to whisper prayers over them.

to have someone take my family's portrait

at the beach.

to take my family here.

to get to here.

but for now, i am trying to be content with what i have. an amazing support system of family and of friends who are there for me when i need them. i want to live in the now and experience joy in that living. i don't know what my future holds and that scares me. but i have the hope of tomorrow and of the future.

"may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace

as you trust in him, 

so that you may overflow with hope

by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

Do Good Intentions Write a Blog?

I didn't think so. I have no other excuse for myself other than being slightly busy with baby-sitting, seeing friends with their 4 day old babies, booking photo shoots, working, and just lazing around. (Wow! I just made myself look really busy!)
But really, there hasn't been much going on here but next week I have two shoots and the following week I have an e-session and a birthday party! I can't wait to post pics from all these upcoming events!

So, I'm having a bit of trouble with the fact that next year, I will be turning 30. I don't even like saying it. I mean, crisis mode, do-something-wild-and-crazy kind of trouble. I've thought about a tattoo, a nose ring, packing up and moving somewhere warmer...


Can you see that!? Isn't it fabulous?! After I do the "big reveal" at church tomorrow, I will post more obvious pictures.

Until then, have any of you had a hard time with getting older? What age has been the most difficult so far?