regret nothing

how many times have you heard people say this? how many times have you said it yourself? i know for myself, i always say that i want to live a life with no regrets. "regret nothing, just take things that don't work out as a life lesson." when i look back on the last year or two of my life, i am filled with what i can only describe as regret. i spent too much time in a situation that was never going to work out, no matter how hard i tried and pushed. i distanced myself from people. i closed myself off to so many things. my mother worried about me (it's ok, it's her job...), i lost friends, i almost lost myself. i don't know if i can say exactly what it was that turned me around, and i don't honestly think i am all the way there. but thank god i can look back and say i'm not that person any longer.

i can't carry anger towards the person i had become. whatever it was that i went through am going through is shaping my future self. i have to let go of the thoughts that keep me trapped inside myself and of the anger i have towards things that are in the past. without doing that, i have no room to love those around me, or as corny as it sounds, to love myself.

i'm not sure what sparked this reflective friday morning post, but it feels good to be writing again.

I've seen how far I've come...

Tonight is the first episode of this season of The Biggest Loser. Sometimes it's really hard to see people who are where I was at one point in my life. I'm not saying that I was 400lbs but I was at a point where as much as I acted like I was fabulous, I felt wretched. I looked at myself and tried to make myself believe that I was pretty, talented, funny. Mostly funny. The fat friend is always funny. I finally saw myself and thought, "I have got to change. I have got to do something."
So I did. I cut out all unhealthy foods. I took a look at how much I was actually eating and I trimmed down my portion sizes. And I started exercising. And it turns out, I love it! I love to run and sweat and jump and sweat some more. I saw HUGE results. I lost 60 lbs. my stamina has gone through the roof. I started to see myself as the fabulous, amazing person that God created me to be.
Even through all of that, I still have my days. You know those days. The ones where you hear that voice that says you aren't fabulous. But you know what? That voice is wrong. I am fabulous. I am amazing. And you know what else? You are too. God made you to be a fabulous, fierce individual. And we shouldn't let anyone, anyone tell us otherwise.

This turned out to be way more personal than I intended but I guess I really needed to get that off my chest.

Contemplating

Recently I have been thinking a lot about predestination. I know, that's quite a heady subject for 7:45 in the morning. Here's what I've been thinking; in Ephesians 1 Paul speaks an awful lot on the subject of predestination and I just am not sure I fully understand it. I know God calls us and has plans for us, i.e., Jeremiah 29:11, but where does free will step in? If God foreknew everything that I would do, say all the way down to the fact that I don't tie my shoes, then how is free will involved? God knew that I wouldn't like to tie my shoes, God knew that I would go to Eastern, God knew that I would fall madly in love with photography. God knows if there is a spouse and children in my future. My question is, if God is Sovereign over all things and He has called us each to a certain purpose, and He is in control of my whole life, where does sin step in? If God knew we were going to sin, why doesn't He stop us? I guess that's where the whole free will thing gets involved. It also begs the question, why do bad things happen to good people?
Again, like I said before this is heady stuff to be contemplating even before I've finished my first cup of coffee. But, it's been on my mind and I am curious as to what others think on the matter...
Thoughts, comments, bible verses, or books to read are most welcome.