I am a pound and a half from being in the 140's!!! I can't honestly tell you the last time I weighed that little. Confession time... even though I lost over 50 pounds, there are days when all i can think is "Ugh, my butt is huge!" and "If I could only lose some in my stomach that would be great." Hopefully I will get to a point of reconcilliation with the way my body is and it's how God created me to be. I would really like to reach my goal that is only 7 pounds away and then I want to get my tattoo and after that whatever happens, I won't kill myself to be something that my body won't let me be. I will only go so far, now that I feel better about myself and feel "normal" I'm not going to beat myself up so much.

So, apparently, you can get to a phase where you aren't losing any more weight... the little thing I like to call a plateau. They truly are unfair, I haven't changed my eating and so I haven't been working out as much but still... I want results. According to other people and my clothing size, I still am shaping up because I am down to a 10 in some stores. It's just frustrating.

That fancy "oh-la-la" dress? Too big! I love this!!! Seriously people, let's be excited!

So, last night I went to try on clothes at Old Navy... and I was a size 10!!!!!! I have never, ever, to me recollection been a 10. That is just amazing. Now, sometimes I do worry that it is happening really fast but when you think about it, I started this all when I moved out of my parent's house with the healthy eating and trying to work out and I just kicked it up this year. So, really, it's been about a year and a half to lose 50.. that's right 50 pounds and almost 5 dress sizes! I have to remind myself of that since I am a worrier.

OH MY GOODNESS!! I am actually now a size 12!!! I haven't been a 12 since I was 12! And I am now officially lighter than I was in high school, at 158!! Holy moly, I am the incredible shrinking woman!!!! This whole eating right thing has become so ingrained in my everyday, that even when I slack off on exercise, I still lose! I just need to exercise more for fitness and to tone up!

This is my "oh-la-la" dress. Can you believe that I only spent 17 dollars on this?

Even though I have lost 40 pounds, that's right... 40, I still see myself as fat. I buy the skinnier clothes, but I just can't seem to see it in myself. The only time I do is when I look at pictures between then and now. I have to put a pic in my wallet to keep reminding myself. Right now, I am 162 and at a little plateau. This is where I have to either kick it up like crazy or stay comfy. My goal seems so close, but so far away...

I LOST 4 MORE POUNDS!!!!! I'm down to in between a 14 and a 16, mostly 14. And my hope is that the 14 will be too big!

I've decided to blog about my exercise and weight loss on here even though no one reads it. It just feels good to post it somewhere and my family is sick of hearing about it. So I don't really know what triggered it but all of a sudden I looked at myself and thought, "Oh my God, I am huge" which is really not a fun thought to have. I had kind of been losing a little bit of weight for a while, a little here and a little there but nothing big. Then I got sick about two months ago and couldn't eat normally for almost two weeks. Ever since then, my appetite has changed and I have become more concerned about what I eat. So I ended up losing about 15-20 pounds theough that whole time (the illness and the month that followed) and somebody at work had started walking and losing weight, so I decided to give it a try. So, I started walking on my lunch break, which progressed to me walking at the park almost every night after work. So far I've lost almost 30 pounds (28 to be exact, but who's counting ;)! ) and I am determined to keep going and do this diet and exercise as a whole lifestyle change. Right now my weight ahs gone from 203 to 175 and my goal is to get down to 150 and possibly even 145 (which would be 15 pounds lighter than I was in high school) by the new year. It has taken me a little less than 6 months to lose 28 and I'm thinking that it should take about another 5-6 for the next 25. Wish me luck!

So, to update again...I hate my job. There has to more to life than this. Where am I supposed to go from here and will I ever find a career that is satisfying?

I am officially updating my blog. I'm not quite sure who still reads this but I'll just give it a shot in the dark. I have job(Hallelujah!) as a preschool teacher at the Goddard School. So far, it's been 6 weeks and so far I still like it.
I also joined (drum roll, please) eHarmony! I thought that it would be like admitting defeat or something stupid like that but so far so good. I have 13 matches from all over the country and I just joined on Tuesday(5 days ago) Not bad, but we'll see if anything comes of it.

Searching for a job is like "searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie." Sorry, I just had to a little quote from Clueless. Anyway, it's not that bad but it is frustrating. I am learning a very important lesson, however. I am learning to wait on God and that things happen in my timing and not when I want it to happen. That happens when you tell God that you are ready for what He has for you. He really wants to make sure that you are ready. I just wish it would happen a little faster, but again, I must wait on His timing.

Today, I am pretty down in the doldrums. On days like this, I feel like I will never find a job, I will never be able to pay off my school loans, and I will always live at home. There is nothing about today that is different from other days, except for my stinky attitude and bad mood. Hey, I'm trying.

Sure, it's been quite a while since I have written in this thing but that doesn't mean that my life has come to a complete standstill.
Yes, I am still technically unemployed meaning that I do not have full time job that is permanent but I do have a summer job and that should count for something. That means that I do not need to really start to worry about what I will be doing, oh for say, maybe a month until I need to begin the unemployed freekout.
It's hard because I know exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life but that doesn't make finding a job any easier. I guess it's almost bad that I know what I want because then I am going to be that much more picky in finding myself a job. I'm not going to be content settling for anything less than I feel that I am being called to. I feel like God is calling me to full time camp ministry but I haven't yet found my position. That means, however, that I do not want to settle for a day care nor do I want to teach in a Christian school, which my mother thinks that I should do.
Okay, so enough of my "I don't have a job" griping. Let's talk about something else. Like how I think that this boy likes me, which is very flattering but I don't think that he is quite my type. I'm all for nerdy guys but when a guy is way skinnier than me and, well a little bit dorkier and younger (3 years and still in college)I'm apt to say that he isn't quite my type.
Now, everyone is filled in on the exciting goings on of my life. Aren't you glad you just took the extra time to find that out?

We've finally, officially moved, like a month and a half ago. Anyway, still unemployed still looking. blahh blahh blah...i am no longer in the mood to write anymore in this.

Just to let all of you know, I am still unemployed and still looking for a job...not fun. Iwould love to be working at a real job right now, but alas. Oh and for the last 2 weeks, I have been sleeping on the floor, not a couch or with friends, but the floor, but luckily only a few more days until we move into the new house!!!

Merry Christmas those of you who still read this...and Happy New Year!
Good news on the home front...we have a place to move into on the 15th of January. We move out of our house on the 31st, but our realtor offered my parents a two bedroom apartment, rent free for the two weeks between homes! I will probably be staying with friends, since I don't want to sleep on the couch...but we shall see. New address will be forthcoming!

Anguish. That's the only emotion that properly describes how I'm feeling now.
How do things like this happen? My best friend from like forever, is pregnant again. And spare the sarcasm of "Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other..." because it doesn't apply here. The dad is apparently a jack-ass and the father of her first child. She's pregnant with twins and she's 7 months pregnant, planning to give the babies away, because as a single mother, she just wants the best for her 2 little girls that she loves very much, enough to give them the kind of home that she can't. God, it makes me so angry! Why do these kind of things have to happen. The one silver lining to this stormy cloud is that she will be moving up here, at least until the girls are born, from South Carolina, so it will give us a chance to patch things up. We really haven't seen each other since she moved in 96, and we haven't talked for almost that long. I just hope that when her babies grow up, they will know that their mommy loved them very much.

So, I have unofficially started my job search. We are down to 2 months from today that I graduate and I want to be sure that when I graduate, I have a job to go to. So far, I have found a few camps that do these post college internships where not only do you get a small weekly salary, but they also provide room and board! And since I don't feel that at this point I am qualified enough to just go into a camp administration job, an internship would be perfect because that would be some nice hands on training and plus, I would be guarunteed at least one year in a job. But other than that, Jessie, you are right, job hunting does suck.

Sabrina, I know that you are virtually the only reading this, so then I guess this one is for you. Actually, it is for you because it's just telling you that I miss seeing you around and that we need to get together soon! Seriously!